Friday, November 11, 2011

Pornography is Not on My Resume

So, when I first started exploring the world of self-publishing stories electronically, I came across a couple of mentions of how lucrative erotica was. Okay, makes sense. After all, isn't it porn that's moving a lot of our technology forward? Okay, I thought. I can write a dirty story. I'm filthy-minded anyway and I think sex is lots and lots of fun. So I sat down to write a naughty little tale.

And after that first day of writing, I went back to my regularly scheduled torture of fairy tale characters.

That story start has been languising on my hard drive for weeks.


I looked at it once since I wrote it, thought, Yeah, I need to finish that, and went back to writing Fairy Tale Afters.

In a way I'm kinda of disappointed. I sort of wanted to have the word "Pornographer" on my resume. But I'm only disappointed because I like the humor value of calling myself a Pornographer. Think about it -- you're at a dinner party or some other soiree, and someone makes polite interested conversation with you. You might ask them, "So, Mr. Smith, what do you do?" And Mr. Smith might tell you that he's a banker or a doctor or a freelance synchronized swimmer. "And you?" he'll ask, out of reciprocal politeness, or perhaps real interest.

"Oh, I'm a pornographer," you'd reply.

He might be too polite to spit-take because you (of course) timed yourself for when he was taking a sip of his drink because -- come on, who doesn't do that?

"I beg your pardon -- I think I misheard you. Did you say . . . Pornographer?"

And you'd give him a smile -- whether a vulpine grin or a demure one, your choice, and add, "Why yes, your hearing's perfect Mr. Smith; I did say pornographer. It's one of the few industries with stable economic growth, and a great deal of flexibility as well, so I can spend more time with my children."

And of course, Mr. Smith will look you over carefully, trying to figure out where you fit into porn. The naughty boy.

Sadly, such a conversation will never be one I will have, because my dirty little story will most likely remain unfinished. But I think I'm quite all right with that.

Of course, I could lie about being a pornographer, but one should never lie on one's resume.

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